Chapter 9.5 The Diet

The Diet

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat.  Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”
George Bernard Shaw, Irish Playwright

Okay … here’s the way this topic went down.  A couple of friends and I meet most Tuesdays for a philosophy club at the bagel shop (yes, this is California).  We generally discuss a wide range of topics for two or three hours and take in the wonderful beauty of a café setting … ah, retirement.

“Philosphy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.”
Henry Brooke Adams (1838-1918),    American Writer

Somehow the subject came around to dieting, and the difficulties of sticking with it.  First of all, I’m lucky to have a metabolism that doesn’t make weight-gain a big issue for me (although reviewing our wedding pictures years later my wife noted that I was a little pudgy.)

Yet, I have also read a number of little articles and have formulated my theories on weight gain and proper diet.  One important tip is that one should never allow oneself to feel hungry for too long.

I have read that when you starve yourself by skipping breakfast or lunch, your body thinks you may be starving.  It doesn’t understand that you could be doing this on purpose.  It computes that it may have to stretch the current calories on board over a long period of time … it goes into starvation-survival mode.

“A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.”
Doug Larson (1902-1981),     English Middle Distance Runner

So instead of burning off calories with daily life stuff … like breathing and moving around … it generates fat because fat is metabolized slower.  When faced with days without nourishment, the body will be able to eke out a few more days on its fat reserve. And since the body is storing fat, it makes you even more hungry.  Making fat is hard work.

One trick to aid weight reduction is to eat heavier at breakfast and lunch because your body metabolizes calories faster in waking mode.  My friend swears by eating no carbs at dinner because they can’t be burned off, and yes, if not burned, let’s store it away for a starvation day.

Another suggestion to reduce weight is to eat six-seven small consumptions a day, about every 2-3 hours to keep the starvation gnome away.  SMALL portions of protein and complex (slow absorbing) carbs.  Portion control is the key element to weight loss … if you’re not so hungry you’ll eat less at one time.  And yada yada yada…….

“Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.”
Laurence J. Peter (1919-1990),     American Educator and Writer

You’re right … I’m no expert on this subject (or any other).  But this discussion brought the philosophy club around to the recent Coney Island hot dog eating contest … how many dogs can one eat in twelve minutes or something like that … (over fifty by the way).  The amazing observation we all made was that the winner and many of the other top challengers are slender and slim … lightweights!  What??!!

This is where the philosophy club can take it to another level.  What if … what if? … the body reacts in an oxymoronic manner?  Just as the body goes into starvation mode when no food intake occurs, perhaps it goes into calorie shedding mode when too much is eaten?  It throws off more than normal!!  One loses weight!!!

Ka-ching!! Ka-ching!! You’ll soon see our new book Gluttonous Gobble to Weight Loss diet on the bookshelves.  I’ve got to believe that a ton of people will buy into it (note that’s only ten 200 pounders). Nothing sells better than validating the hopes of the masses.  We’ll have no competition with this approach … we’ll make millions!!!! If only we can find a celebrity …

“Question:  What would you do if you found a million dollars?
Answer by Yogi Berra: I’d find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I’d return it.”




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