Chapter 5.11 Complaining

Complaining

“The very fact that you are a complainer shows that you deserve your lot.”

James Allen (1855-1942)  New Zealand Minister of Defense

Now this is not really an emotion, but it certainly must be included in any discussion by me about Negativity. During my lifetime, listening to the complaining of other people has been a tough challenge.  I have tried to be understanding and supportive, without becoming a sponge for their unhappiness.

When I was in the workplace managing others, I would try the tactic of saying, “Don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions.” Just because I was their boss, it didn’t mean that I was their dumping ground.  If you are powerless to change a problem, get over it, find a way to work around it, or if it is just too big of an issue, get off the train you’re on at the next station.  Life should not be lived in frustration. Ragging on and on about what’s wrong is just a mediocre job of problem identification.

What is your solution to solve the problem? All of a sudden the problem is not such an easy fix.  Problems are like onions … they have many layers and they can make you cry. Peeling back the layers the problem, looking at its core, you discover that the easy fix normally hasn’t been very well thought through. The resolution has a lot of complexity, bureaucracy, and adjustments that involve others.

If there were a simple solution, a simple mind would have thought of it by now.                        Papa D’

If the resolution is way out of grasp, out of our control because we lack the authority and power to change it, then we have to find a way to live with it … or go someplace else.

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”

William Arthur Ward (1921-1994)    American author

I mean, it’s okay to be dissatisfied with things as they are.  But don’t make yourself a mess because of it. The anger and bad energy that you have for your issue ends up being internalized to yourself.  It boomerangs back to you.   You crimp up your own flow of good energy.

“In the fight between you and the world, back the world.”

Franz Kafka (1883-1924)     Czech-born German-speaking writer

Another thing I’ve noticed, is that, yep, “a bad apple can ruin the lot.”  Some people are attracted to negative-ness (or Negativity is attracted to them … whoops, don’t want to give away a later chapter.) They love to wallow in self-powerlessness.  They want other people to agree with them, to validate their injustices. They need more energy.  Their anger feeds their ego, “I am so smart because I’ve identified this problem; why doesn’t somebody do something about it?”

“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.”

Anthony J. D’Angelo      Inspirational Writer

Most people don’t like being around complainers. Yet we all slip into the mode … we can all find something we don’t like. People will put up with the complaining of a friend … for a bit. And yes, a good friend will help you sort out your problems. But a friendship is supposed to be positive in general, and we all have a responsibility to respect our friends, and enjoy more positive moments with them than the reverse. Keep in mind that most people prefer to be around positive people rather than negative people … (now that was very profound.)

“The more we whine and criticize, the smaller and more unpleasant we become.”

Linda Picone     The Daily Book of Positive Quotations

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for organized protest, the collective expression of a perceived wrong.  Just make sure that you’re aiming at the right target where success results in a positive option.  Sometimes it may only be the beginning of a change, a mobilization of energy behind change.  All change requires steps, small successes that attract more support.  Make sure your cause goes beyond self-interest, and passes the humanity test.

“We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them.”

William Arthur Ward (1921-1994)     American Author

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